I think I have a sprained toe. From my son, by accident. Kicked my foot.
Anyone else working on a paper until 230AM? I am still tired from Tuesday night.
New job? Sure, load me up- I have capacity.
10KM run/ race last week? Yup, I did it last Sunday.
3 year old that doesn't want to sleep? Sure, we can deal with that. Gimme two.
Vegan? Well, the diet management is suffering, and the journal is incomplete for a few days, but I can start that tonight.
Happy spouse? Mostly! Ha! We have a date night tonight. Or maybe we will play games at home.
Self care? Well, sometimes.
Finances? Well, yeah, that. Ok, life wouldn't be adequately stressful without tight finances.
Family? Most are healthy or close to it. Or something.
MBA? Well, that is the reason I have a vacation day today. To sit at Starbucks and chop wood and carry water.
"Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar,
You're gonna go far,
You're gonna fly high,
You're never gonna die,
You're gonna make it if you try"
Stop complaining Dieter.
Not many understand the MBA, unless they went through it. No many understands a cohort of students writing a letter of complaint to the Dean about the very situation you are currently in where the guidance and support from the faculty is near zero and a writing coach is almost mandatory to get this project done. Not many understand that the project you are working on is akin to being blindfolded in the woods at night and told "RUN RUN RUN - you have no time". Few have worked with writing coaches, executive coaches, counsellors and leaned on family and friend to survive. Few have spent $100 at Starbucks over three weeks while trying to cognitively function enough to write four sentences while knowing they will likely get cut out anyway.
Head down, tail up, smile, get this done. Complaining is not helping.
I know. I do.
I know my gaze drifts after 5 minutes.
I know that I am only mindful for a few minutes at a time. I know that I have to leave soon, and that you want us to stay longer, and that I am arriving late and leaving early- likely in a rush and forgetting something. I should visit more often. Or have a dinner. Or stay one more minute. Or have a drink and watch a movie. I know there is a birthday party today or tomorrow or that i missed yesterday. I know there is a funeral coming or recently passed. I know there is a business meeting at lunch that will go long. I know there is a lawn to mow, and a yard to clean. I know there is at least four ways to spend my time right now. I know that it is never enough. I know that the sink is a mess. I know that the birdfeeder needs to be cleaned.
"Why are you pushing yourself so hard?"
I know that most people don't understand. If I want to run a marathon, I have to train - alot. This means running three to four times a week- and hard long distance. If I want to entertain the boys, I have to find events that fit in their nap schedule. If I want to visit, there is a list of neglected friends and family which is usurped by shopping, chores. If I want to finish this MBA, I need book time. If I want to be vegan I have to plan meals and eat- alot. If I want time with Heidi I have to move chore time and MBA time.
I don't have idle time. My down time is in running 5-10km. My family time is spent having the boys do chores with me. When people ask for my time, or complain that I dont visit enough, it almost offends me. I am so exhausted and tired- I find ways to spend my time twice, like running with the boys, or visiting family at meal time or over lunch, or taking calls when I drive. A cleaning lady and preordered groceries are common place now. Massage treatments are in the basement. A nanny helping is on the horizon.
You don't need to remind me that my time is scarce and precious. I know. I do.
Another few milestones...
Boy are 3, Oma is 91, registered for a 10KM run.
Work is constantly shifting. Heidi was sick, boys were sick, I was sick. The last week shot by, with another visit to my OMP sponsor.
I have to spend time more diligently. Everything is so temporary. Be focussed and wait for the results.
Happy Birthday to me.
No rum, two games, nap from 2000-2100, MBA 2100-000.
Submit the Draft Proposal to RRU, third OMP client in the system.
I had a marvellous time with family and friends this afternoon, a great breakfast with family this morning, and a quality playtime in the snow with the boys today.
But this OMP is always with me. I have to be mindful otherwise a cloud starts to roll over my consciousness. Now I am sitting with family. Now I am listening to them talk. The OMP will be with me tonight, compartmentalize. Be focussed until then. Be present in the now.
Finish this and the cloud will leave. Enter the OMP for the next hour mindful and focussed, then rest.
While funny, entertaining and well done, the TV show Seinfeld also had moments where the day to day was important, but the odd piecies, the uninteneded, was where the memorable magic was. Often spoke about as their favorite and/or most challenging episode by the cast, they talk about this episode as both exhausting and painful, but also the most memorable.
The whole episode deserves research, but specifically, the final scene is the most unintended- they were supposed to drive out of the garage and fade out- but the car would not start. The final ending to the scene was a surprise to all- the car would not start as the cameras were rolling. The characters in the car are laughing uncontrollably and the scene was kept as it was- the car not starting instead of driving out. Sometimes perfection lies in the unintended- actually, more than sometimes.
The band Nirvana did not like the evolution of the song Teen Spirit, and thought the mixing of their album Nevermind was too polished. They came to dislike the song. Jimi Hendrix supposedly didn't like his voice, and was looking for a singer for his band for most of his short career. Blur made a song mocking the music scene, Song 2, and it became one of their biggest hits. If we only look at the highlights, we fail to see the pieces that fall away, the scenes cut from the final polished picture- the pain, the sweat, the tears. The loneliness, the late nights, the fatigue, the pain. We should celebrate the success, but also the journey.
One run in this week. 3.7 km. 28.07 Minutes.
6.5 hours MBA time this week. Got the research question and my direction.
Kids and H are happy and healthy. 3 perfect days on my LifeLog app.
Not where I want to be- but progress. Boys can do yoga, boys are stretching and helping me roll out my legs at night. Work is amazing- so much change. Even had some time to play Kings Of Tokyo (I lost really really bad).
K.V. Switzer not only ran the full marathon (42.2 km) but she also evaded officials, idiots, quiet bystanders, and ran a time better than other men in that race. She ran it again at 70 years old.
Find the impossible. Do it twice. Take pictures.
Dieter Wentzel, CHRP