I know. I do.
I know my gaze drifts after 5 minutes.
I know that I am only mindful for a few minutes at a time. I know that I have to leave soon, and that you want us to stay longer, and that I am arriving late and leaving early- likely in a rush and forgetting something. I should visit more often. Or have a dinner. Or stay one more minute. Or have a drink and watch a movie. I know there is a birthday party today or tomorrow or that i missed yesterday. I know there is a funeral coming or recently passed. I know there is a business meeting at lunch that will go long. I know there is a lawn to mow, and a yard to clean. I know there is at least four ways to spend my time right now. I know that it is never enough. I know that the sink is a mess. I know that the birdfeeder needs to be cleaned.
"Why are you pushing yourself so hard?"
I know that most people don't understand. If I want to run a marathon, I have to train - alot. This means running three to four times a week- and hard long distance. If I want to entertain the boys, I have to find events that fit in their nap schedule. If I want to visit, there is a list of neglected friends and family which is usurped by shopping, chores. If I want to finish this MBA, I need book time. If I want to be vegan I have to plan meals and eat- alot. If I want time with Heidi I have to move chore time and MBA time.
I don't have idle time. My down time is in running 5-10km. My family time is spent having the boys do chores with me. When people ask for my time, or complain that I dont visit enough, it almost offends me. I am so exhausted and tired- I find ways to spend my time twice, like running with the boys, or visiting family at meal time or over lunch, or taking calls when I drive. A cleaning lady and preordered groceries are common place now. Massage treatments are in the basement. A nanny helping is on the horizon.
You don't need to remind me that my time is scarce and precious. I know. I do.
Another few milestones...
Boy are 3, Oma is 91, registered for a 10KM run.
Work is constantly shifting. Heidi was sick, boys were sick, I was sick. The last week shot by, with another visit to my OMP sponsor.
I have to spend time more diligently. Everything is so temporary. Be focussed and wait for the results.
Happy Birthday to me.
No rum, two games, nap from 2000-2100, MBA 2100-000.
Submit the Draft Proposal to RRU, third OMP client in the system.
I had a marvellous time with family and friends this afternoon, a great breakfast with family this morning, and a quality playtime in the snow with the boys today.
But this OMP is always with me. I have to be mindful otherwise a cloud starts to roll over my consciousness. Now I am sitting with family. Now I am listening to them talk. The OMP will be with me tonight, compartmentalize. Be focussed until then. Be present in the now.
Finish this and the cloud will leave. Enter the OMP for the next hour mindful and focussed, then rest.
Dieter Wentzel, CPHR